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Thai-ny tears

The morning after the break-up, I had to go to the student affair’s offices as there had been a clerical error so I had to set it straight. I was feeling surprisingly lucid upon meeting J at 8.00 who very kindly agreed to go with me. Thailand is the worst place to feel emotionally labile, having studied Balinese culture and the ‘bright face’ I had a feeling that my Italian heritage was about to let me down. I found myself sitting on my hands.

In the office, K burst into an enthusiastic performance of, ‘Smile! I look at you and I can see a strong woman!’ I wasn’t quite convinced but I appreciated the cheerleading all the same. I took the rest of the day off and just pottered around doing some cultural activities such as watching a movie about Bangkok (I walked out after 30 minutes, it was too overwhelming), eating ice cream and getting massages every day for the rest of my time there.

I never anticipated breaking up with anyone while I was abroad and alone, but with hindsight it just seemed to work. The unfamiliar territory forced me to settle into life a way which I may not have done had my foundations felt stable. I had none of my friends close by to cry with (although some new faces gave me enough support which I am eternally grateful for), I couldn’t just run home and there was no escaping the humidity, pollution or smells that lingered in the air. I could have resisted it all or thrown myself completely into it, but I just took each day slowly and Bangkok delivered on this, despite having a manic reputation. I did of course get utterly shitfaced that weekend and woke in an unfamiliar apartment. Good times.

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