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Therapeutic dating putty, give me a squeeze

March 20, 2010

I was recently asked what I think of monogamy.

My last relationship wasn’t monogamous, so I guess there has been a lot of curiosity from others as to whether the break up of my previous relationship has forever changed my perspective on polyamory; would I ever ‘go back’? In some minds, because ~ and I broke up, it shows that polyamory doesn’t work, but one has to have an acute degree of tunnel vision to place the blame on the model (something that poly people can often be guilty of too – who’da thought we’re not all that different!)

In the long-term, I want to reach a stage where I don’t have to think about paradigms or labels. The latter is certainly useful in helping people to make sense of how you see yourself in the world, but that’s down to their own interpretation, so saying I’m in an open relationship to some friends is akin to saying that I am in a completely dysfunctional relationship which is already doomed. To see things as they are is often difficult, particularly when you feel that your way of life is in question. A couple of years ago I made things overly complicated for myself in terms of decisions about food, exercise and all the other stuff in my life for the sake of making it more complex. If I listened to my intuition 99% of the time then I’d eat nothing but pizza and double espressos, so a little prudence is proper, but in matters of the heart, I’d rather listen to my own and flow than worrying about all the things I perceive as big issues.

That said, I don’t expect prospective partners to share the enthusiasm on my casual approach! I guess I’m open to the idea, it just depends on the relationship(s) that come along, experimenting and pushing boundaries to see what feels right then reaching some sort of equilibrium. Excuse the lack of originality in this analogy, but I guess the kind of approach I want is trying an item of clothing because it looks nice and feels good, than because it’s branded by whatever is in vogue. Extra layers is always a bonus.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 22, 2010 7:31 am

    The end of a non-monogamous relationship (n=1) shows empirically that non-monogamy is an intrinsically flawed system. But hey, look at this… seems the vast majority of failed relationships are monogamous, proving that a monogamous system is much, much worse. Statistics can’t lie, dude.

  2. March 22, 2010 6:57 pm

    True. We’re all done for. Still, there’s safety in numbers 😉

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