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February 27, 2010

So… if everything aligns itself in the way that it should, I’ll be moving to New Zealand! I almost didn’t want to commit this thought on paper/screen as to somehow tempt fate, but superstition is something best-managed by my grandmother. I’m approaching the move with an excited nervous energy [‘Hiking! Lakes! Coffee! Squeee!’] which then gets superceded by all the sensible questions I have to consider like, ‘Will I get a job? What do I tell the student loans company/government/my grandparents?’

I am of course, taking some risks, but it’s a good time in my life to take risks when I have no commitments and a degree with decent enough transferable skills. It involves turning down a job here, which seems both scary and crazy, but the idea of accepting that route bought about tearful mornings, broken sleep and a knotted stomach. The contingency plans are in place should it all go balls up and I’m fast discovering that the world is flatter than I initially thought.

The downside is that I’ll be saying goodbye to people I have built many ties with. I have only told a small handful of friends, I’m waiting to hear that I’ve got a job before I really make noise about it, but I can’t escape from the fact that I’ll be very far away and the small, intricate influences we’ve had on each others lives will take on a different resonance in the face of separation. I consulted with a patient who told me she has no fear of death, but cannot function knowing that one day she will no longer exist and have no impact on the world. There was no need to empathise with her, I knew exactly what she meant.

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