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Down the river of golden dreams

December 12, 2009

It normally takes me at least an hour to fall asleep, two if I’m under a great deal of stress. For my 25th, ~ got me Meditation for Dummies and one night after experimenting with various relaxation techniques* I dozed off within 30 minutes. Despite this, I usually forget to do them, because I’m over-analysing something else. To give a brief history, throughout my adolescence and early 20s I worked myself into a rage over not being able to switch off. With hindsight, as a child had a better grasp on my situation; I would creep out of my bedroom into the corridor where the light was still on, and read until the sleepiness took hold.

I’ve come to accept that my body’s pattern is naturally inclined as more active and creative come nightfall, so I generally go along with it and write to empty out what is going on in my head. On my travels (perhaps it was the southern hemisphere thing?) I had no problems in getting to sleep, but I would experience early morning waking, every morning for three months. In the last week, inducing sleep has become very difficult once again, although paradoxically I have woken up feeling wonderfully refreshed as opposed to a snappy wreck. It was if I had to make some internal peace with myself, ‘Yes, I am always going to be the one left lying in bed awake, I will always take an age to fall asleep, but let’s just deal and get on with it.’

*My favourite technique is a visualisation exercise where you imagine there’s a giant vat of warm honey over your head and it slowly melts, caressing the body as the soft, sweet, viscous liquid makes its way down. Unfortunately my psyche often hijacks the moment, and clearing the mind of distractions is a long process. ‘So, can vegans eat honey?’  ‘I wish I had a jar of that orange blossom honey I bought in Italy’ ‘I wonder what this would be like if the honey was lube’ ‘Is lube vegan-friendly?’

2 Comments leave one →
  1. elle permalink
    December 13, 2009 9:19 am

    I’m terrible at sleeping, and it doesn’t take much – jetlag, late night – to throw me right off.

    I can remember complaining to my mum at a very young age (4 or 5) that I couldn’t sleep, and her telling me just to clear my mind. I interpreted that very literally and used to picture piles of blank white paper – it kinda helped. Now I mostly just count – boring but that’s kinda the point :-p

    Meditation helps, but I don’t do it as much now I don’t have weed.

  2. December 13, 2009 6:42 pm

    I find counting really frustrating, my mind gets distracted and leaps elsewhere! I think if I developed a proper routine of bath, chilling out, meditation and bed I’d really go places.

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